I know when you smoke out the window. I know where you park your car. I know your phone number and I cannot forget it. I know you are laughing with other people. I know what you are drinking tonight and can suspect where you will go. I know what you look like in the morning, the matted parts of your hair, the red chest and fire skin. I know you are less than a thousand feet from me at most parts of the day. I know where there is hair on your body and where there is none. I know you wet, cold, hot and sweaty. I know you in the car, on the streets that were ours. I know you would love this rug but you are not at my side. I know your smell. I know your hug. I know your kiss. I know you because I wrote about you. I know you because I am writing about you. I know you because I have loved you for so long. I know you I know you I know you I know you but I am forgetting. I am forgetting it all, quicker by the day. Why have you died? What took you and was it my own device? Forgetting, forgetting, the years are evaporating. Come back before these holes close, come back before the soreness fades. Come back because I will wake up. I will wake up one morning soon. Soon I will wake up one morning and find. And find, I will find, that you. You. I will find that you were never there. Never there. Never here. Here or there. Not anywhere.
The repetition was fairly interesting. I did not really get any type of picture from the piece. I think some scene may be a nice addition but may not be completely necessary. The story followed the path the title paved, which is always nice.
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely beautiful. The repetition of the words evokes such strong emotion from the narrator that directly affects the reader. Even though there is no scene whatsoever, this could easily fit into a larger story, a story about the relationship between two people who were once close for so long. Any one who has been close to any person, family, friend, or lover, can relate to this remembering and forgetting. It is important to explore the memory's capacity for knowing people, and it is always interesting to discover that there are things that will slip away, things that you thought would be there forever. I love the things the narrator chooses to describe about this person; it demonstrates an intimacy that was very special.
ReplyDeleteAs a rule I'm not a big fan of the second person, but this piece makes it work. The repetition gives it the feeling of an incantation. Perhaps more specific details of setting? I would delete "but you are not at my side"--this is clear, the motivation for the piece, and more powerful if not spelled out within it.
ReplyDelete