We are a hiking parade of three generations: Louise, my 26 year old sister and mother of two, lugs her two and a half year old son, Ben, in a strap-on backpack, and behind me, my 55 year old father carries the second grandchild, one and a half year old Caedmon, in a Velcro and buckle sling pouch. Dad and Louise wear stone-crushing hiking boots, and with thin canvas sneakers as my footwear, I am not so formidably equipped. Once again, I am the unsuspecting, unprepared victim of an outside adventure with my family, all experienced navigators of rough terrain. Visiting my sister and her family here in rural Arkansas, the Natural State's environment, the topography itself offers instant, intimate experiences with nature if only you drive to the base of any number of its mountains. After a two hour drive to Little Rock, and tending to Ben's scraped knee and Caed's dirty diaper from falling in mud, the five of us embark on the steepest hiking trail in Arkansas. I should have known what I was in for by the name: Pinnacle Mountain Summit Loop, a 2.6. mile trail with a rating of difficult. At the outset, the hike feels like a neighborhood stroll, but then our pace slows and thighs start to burn. The path begins smooth as moist soil but as we advance on the mountain's spine it hardens, offering no relief for the soles of our feet. My shoes have little traction so I grope whatever nearby branch or boulder to safely propel me forward. But carrying only water and hearty cereal bars in a backpack, I move lightly and move to lead the pack, leaving the baby-bearers to their more carefully required steps.
I really liked the parts where you specifically describe what the hike is like. I think it would make an effective longer piece if you wrote about several hikes you and your family went on, and you could have some sort of theme running through the entire piece.
ReplyDeleteI like the emphasis on the different generations of the same family on the hike, and the tension that arises between the narrator versus the rest of the family (the "baby-bearers"). The hiking trip, to me, represents something else, something equally as fatiguing.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the transformation the narrator undergoes throughout this short piece. Initially, he is an "unsuspecting, unprepared victim of an outside adventure with my family" who eventually leaves the "baby-bearers" behind.
ReplyDeleteAnd I ditto what Melodie said, too.
I enjoy your use of present tense during the parts in which you are actually describing the hike because it is an action scene and works well for you to take us along the journy. It might work well to break this up into paragraphs to make it less condensed and elaborate on each part because it seems like a full length anecdote that's been condensed. It would be nice to situate the hike with the context. Tell us that you're in Arkansas and with your family early on and then go into the action.
ReplyDeleteYou might begin "I should have known what I was in for by the name: Pinnacle Mountain Summit Loop, a 2.6. mile trail with a rating of difficult." A nice turn that you, lacking the rugged footwear, end up leading the way. A beautiful photo--perhaps a little more description of the setting in the writing?
ReplyDelete